Update on family

We are doing great! Sorry if this post is boring by the way. lol.

Camden is doing well, he's talking like a MAD man and is just so smart, this kid blows me away. He talks in sentences, counts to 5, and loves the color yellow. He's so sweet and loves his brother and sister being at school for mommy time where he can chatter my ear off but once it's time to get them from school he runs to the car so we can get there faster. Such a cutie. He knows he's the baby but that doesn't slow him down on his development thankfully. He isn't potty training yet but is so anal about dirty hands, makes him crazy! We offer and he's sat on it several times but it's just not time yet and I'm not about to push him. Shoot, no way dude am I doing that with him! lol. He just turned 2 and is the height of a 3 year old... and no I'm not kidding. His weight is fine, he's average on that, but his height is off the charts. No one believes that he just had his 2nd birthday... makes me laugh actually.

Ariana is really enjoying preschool. She has a new "best friend" every week it seems and loves the other girls in her class. She's a joy to them and is so smart, we love watching her blossom. We had a few meltdowns recently because her schedule was off due to holidays and missing school from smoke but she's getting back into the swing of it and loving it all. She's such a good girl. Now if only we could get her to stop sucking her thumb, arguing with me about what she wears every day (she's always had an opinion about her clothes, since she was a year I think it was that it started). Her hair looks crazy too, trying to decide what to do with that problem... got to love it!

Alexander, well, he's the reason I am doing this post. :) First off he loves school. He makes friends easily and really thinks it's just a blast to be there. Thank goodness! No one is mean to him in Kindergarten, why does that have to change as they get older I ask you. Oh well, we'll enjoy this stage now. We have been watching him though, that boy is so active and really a problem at school. He fidgets a lot, talks a lot, and stimulation distracts him. We had an IEP meeting today and have settled on the idea that he most likely has ADD. This is a relief to me because we know this runs in both families and can be worked with. My worst fear was more severe... glad I had it wrong actually. We knew he had a problem paying attention and this is finally getting adressed, whew! Still digesting a lot of the meeting tonight actually. We will start his Speech program on Monday and will meet with Occupational Therapy soon to learn what the plan is with that and what we can do at home to help him. He did OT when he was really young but was discharged when he was almost 3 (I think) and hasn't been seen since. The last year we've really pushed to get him back into an OT program but were denied, told that he can't until he's in Kindergarten. We've been patient enough and here we are, getting that taken care of finally and I couldn't be more happy!

We will be meeting with a Gastro intersomethingoranother soon... (GI doctor... digestion... etc). They will be checking that there isn't some weird blockage or anything going on and that he's digesting well since he's always had bowel problems. I don't honestly think they'll find anything and am determined to find a doctor that will look at the BIG PICTURE instead of picking on little things and making him go through tests that aren't necessary. Mothers instinct here... trust it already!

We also are still fighting to get him that juice he needed. It's high calorie, high protein, and totally amazing. If the insurance denies it again I'll have to keep fighting and go higher up and see what they will do for me. I'm willing to kick, scream, anything I have to in order to get that big red "failure to thrive" on his chart and get my kid that darn juice. Grr... don't mess with me.

I also am going to have them do an ultrasound or x-ray on his spinal cord. He had this checked at 9 months of age but he was maybe 10 lbs at that time? Teeny little thing, had to have an iv and sedation, it was awful! I think he was too small at the time and want a less invasive way to look at the same thing they were trying to check, is his spinal cord tethered? That would cause his in-ability to potty train and his uncle (Ray's brother) had this condition since birth and it was not diagnosed until high school. Long time to wear diapers dude and I'm not going to do it.

Ray and I are good, I'm digesting this still like I said and trying to figure out our next plan of action. All I can do is pray and hope that we are given the answers as we need them like we have so far.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, we are really hoping to see a big improvement in Alexander this year. :)

We love you Daniel

Well tonight was *the* night we had to say goodbye to my brother Daniel. He's going on his mission to Chile (speaking Spanish) and he leaves tomorrow morning for Utah, reports Wed Aug 26 to the MTC. We are so thrilled that he's doing this and know that it will be an amazing experience. Not at first maybe but he'll learn and grow so much. We look forward to all the crazy stories and hearing about the amazing people he met and loves. (We also look forward to the not so many people he couldn't stand). lol.

It was a good night. We had him set apart and it was a beautiful blessing. We came home for a small birthday party for Camden (he's 2 on Monday, Aug 24) and opened presents. When it was finally time to say goodbye the kids were not paying much attention thanks to the new toys. When Daniel started crying we all started up and, well, the kids pay more attention when the grown ups cry apparently. Poor Alexander was in the kitchen just balling and that of course was the worst, we all were dreading how he'd react to his beloved Uncle Daniel leaving him. We survived the farewells with many hugs and tears (and both boys telling him to not go and we'd miss him). The kids were really sweet and mean it, they will miss him.

It touches my heart and I am so sad to watch him leave for 2 years but this sacrifice is worth it. We all support him 100% and love him so much. After he left Alex cried with me for a few minutes and then told me "mommy... just breathe... deep breaths" (we tell him that when he's upset). Soon he proclaimed he felt better and knew everyone was going to be fine and left in search of a new toy from Camden. Silly boy.

We love you Daniel.

Well, it's a plan

Ray got things worked out with his Financial Aid for Fall meaning he can keep working on his Masters in Teaching Mathematics. Yay! This is a relief, once he's done with this we are planning on trying to sell our house (hoping the market is better in 2 years) and moving to Idaho.

I saw my doctor today and got my perscription adjusted (not a big deal, it's a very low dose). She knows we are trying to get pregnant and made a deal with me. We hold off for 6 months to get things "regular" again (aka mostly my hormones) and in 6 months they will help us with fertility aka start me on clomid to get things moving. What a relief to have someone willing to help us. I'm not thrilled but figure it's for the best so it looks like no babies in the next 6 months unless God intervenes. Glad to have a plan!

The kids are doing fabulous with school, Alex has already made a friend and Ariana is a fabulous kid at school (totally friendly and awesome). Just what they needed. I'm glad I didn't keep Alex out of school, what a relief!

Busy

Goodness we've been crazy lately. Alex got a fever two weeks ago and it was crazy high. It lasted several days and we got nervous a few times but thankfully no febrile seizures. Well 2 days later Camden gets a high fever (like serious high, not just a little bit) and ended up getting croup and bronchitis... I had to take him to Urgent Care on Thursday for x-rays (ooh, how fun THAT was) and it was miserable all around. Ariana also came down with a crazy high fever but hers included vomiting everywhere, I was up to my eyeballs in sick crabby kids for TWO WEEKS. Lovely. Today is the first real day of happy, healthy kids (well, still medicated in Camden's case). Yahoo, we survived!!!

In other news Ray started a new school year today, he's really looking forward to his smaller class sizes and I think he'll do well this year. This is his 4th year teaching, crazy! Alexander starts Kindergarten on Thursday, he's in morning and Mrs. Jacoby's class (thanks to mommy getting to the school at 6 the morning of registration and waiting in line for 2 hours, man the parents are competetive!) He will have Speech and OT during school hours, it's going to be AWESOME and he can't wait. Ariana is ALSO going to start school this year! She's been accepted the Preschool despite the fact that she's not some Spanish speaking child (don't get me started about THAT... they are priority over her and that ticked me off). Anyways, she also will be at the same school as Alexander and the same time. I am so looking forward to being with Camden even if it kills me to send her to school early like that. Oh well, it's only half day this year right?

In my own personal stuff I'm doing well, going to see the dr again next Tuesday and the medicine is working well. Might get it tweaked a little. Also going to talk to them about our fertility problems, we've had problems in the past that always corrected themselves but we've been trying to get pregnant 14 months now so I need to bring it up and see if they can help us. Ironic really, Alex took so long and here we are again. At least I know we *can* get pregnant right? :) Ha ha... three kids later.

Anyways, that's what is going on. Lots of doctor appts coming up soon and fighting insurance to get that juice Alex needs again. I had to call and file a grievance with my insurance today to fight them on it, they've denied it twice and I'll be darned if I'm going to roll over and let them get away with it!!

Please pray with us that the insurance will give us what we need, this is SO rediculous!

Photos!

I know, it's been over 6 months since I changed my blog header photo, whew! :) We did photos at the park tonight and they turned out fabulous! My brother Michael is headed to BYU in 2 days and Daniel is going to his mission in Chile end of August so we had to get these done! Please don't tell me if we look like giant marshmallows though...

Busy Summer?

I wish I could say summer has been packed but, as every July, we hit a brick wall and sit around... moaning about being bored and thinking that we may die because the kids are so restless and going to kill each other. Okay, so *every* day isn't that bad but we had a few of those last week. lol.

Things are good here, my brother Michael leaves for Utah here next week (ahh). He's going to attend BYU this fall, working on his medical degree and transferring as a Junior. He can't move to his dorm yet but can stay with my grandparents nearby until he gets to (ironically his move in date is the date my baby brother reports to the MTC down the street from his dorm!) Weird I tell you!

We're hoping to do family photos this next week, definitely crossing my fingers the kids will at least behave a little bit. Bribery... lots of bribery. lol. Got to love an almost 2 year old, they LOVE having photos taken with lots of people (insert eye rolling here). He is getting better, maybe this will work.

Things are good with us, I love my calling and can't say that enough. I am the Secretary for RS and really enjoy the sisters I serve with, they make me feel wanted and I appreciate them and their sweetness. Loving that. Just have to remember to do my duties every month. lol.

Drama at church still ensues, today was bad but I just have to learn to stop getting my feelings hurt (ha). Tricky isn't it? It's a problem I'm having with one sister in particular and it's really been hard. I thought it was going to be better but for some reason I ended up breaking down today after having a thirty second conversation with her! Stupid I know... poor bishop I think he's tired of me. She wasn't even that rude, just hurt my feelings. So hard to be a mom sometimes... only time will know how this one ends up. I won't say more or who it is, some of you know and that's not really the point. The point is she talks down to me and it reminds me too much of my MIL who I don't have a good relationship with. Enough said right? lol

Alex starts Kindergarten in a month, I'm really nervous but excited for him because I know how much he loved preschool. We're working hard to get Ariana into preschool but not sure she can get in. We made it into another one (we loved the director, it's her Sunbeam teacher) but it had to be turned down because I had no way to get them both to school and home at the same time, different sides of town. Oops. They transferred her application to the school Alex will be at (they do preschool there too) so now crossing our fingers.

Doctor update, we found that fablous new drink for Alex (a juice box that's 250 calories, it's wonderful!) We requested the drink but were denied, I was so angry but figured they would. Amazingly enough our doctor seems on top of it and is HELPING us fight this battle. Wow, that's new to me! Seriously, this is at least what... our FIFTH doctor? Ugh. Anyways, we have a nutriton appt next Tuesday (we've seen them for nutrition so this is just a formality). Definitely hoping for good results!

Alex is working hard on potty training, he gets constipated though (I know, TMI) and has always had bowel problems... so it's just not happening. The doctor wanted to send him to COUNSELING for it... seriously. I don't think that's necessary thank you, I know my son and he's just not mature enough yet... not sure why but he was preemie and still has that to work on. Oh well, won't ask the doctor anymore... he'll get it.

Ray is home for the summer and, well, bored. In other news we've decided once he's done with his Masters we're going to MOVE! It will take another 2 years and then we can put the house on the market (assuming the market is improving a little at least) and we really would like to move to Idaho, Boise area. Well, more like Meridian. My grandparents are looking at Star and I REALLY like that too. The schools are ranked highly and with Ray's degrees we have confidence we'll get a job there... so excited! I can't wait to get away from California/Mexico. Okay, so that's rude but we're the only white people in our neighborhood... it's so weird.

On another note we just had a new niece born a month ago (Isabelle... our 9th niece... cutest little thing from a white mommy and a hispanic daddy...) , a new nephew this week (our 2nd nephew, not sure what he looks like because they're far away but they have 4 girls so this was exciting!) We also have a great-nephew due next month and a nephew due in September from Ray's baby brother and his wife... so exciting and nuts!

By the way, still hoping to get pregnant. It's been a year now and I think I'm finally ready to actually admit we're trying (lol). Alex took 2 1/2 years so as long as it's not that long we're fine. :)

Healing

I keep staring at the permissions list to see who can read my blog and think I might be comfortable admitting this. Just promise me this won't get back to my inlaws in any form or I'll hunt you down and do horrible things to you. (bwa-ha-ha).

I have finally admitted that I have dealt with postpartum depression for the last 4 years. Some of you may be shocked, some of you are probably nodding and saying "yep, I can see why". I think the biggest factor is not just because they were all so close but because we went through *so* much with Alex. Ariana came along well before I had healed emotionally from the trauma that surrounded Alex's birth. She did a great deal to healing my heart but I know that my hormones were off after Ariana made her arrival.

I won't go into details, those aren't important, but I really was getting bad here recently and wondering was I crazy? Was something wrong with me? Why was I so angry anymore and what was going on to make this happen, it wasn't like me. I finally got enough nerve and asked my girls Kasey and Natalie at play group if they ever felt this way. (They have been great keeping my secret and I appreciate that). Kasey was especially helpful and let me cry on her shoulder as events unfolded the next few weeks and I waited to visit a doctor.

I'm happy to say that my case is mild and that I am on a low dose of Prozac that seems to be really helping. She explained my hormones in the brain have gotten out of wack, that it's normal, and I am definitely feeling relieved. It's not something I did, I am not a bad mother. It's just a fact and more women deal with it than think they do. Most women don't realize it or are scared to get help (I was scared they'd think I was an awful mother!)

I was also surprised to find out that if un-treated it can last for years. The few who do know about this were surprised they thought it was PPD but it's not true that you "grow out of" it over time if you have it badly enough. I think mine did seem to get better but the pregnancy and birth of Camden brought it back big time.

I look forward to the future of happy, nice mommy again and although I don't know how most of you will react I needed to get that off my chest. Talking about it is something I am supposed to do, I won't tell everyone but this is a select group of people I trust who can access my blog.