Healing

I keep staring at the permissions list to see who can read my blog and think I might be comfortable admitting this. Just promise me this won't get back to my inlaws in any form or I'll hunt you down and do horrible things to you. (bwa-ha-ha).

I have finally admitted that I have dealt with postpartum depression for the last 4 years. Some of you may be shocked, some of you are probably nodding and saying "yep, I can see why". I think the biggest factor is not just because they were all so close but because we went through *so* much with Alex. Ariana came along well before I had healed emotionally from the trauma that surrounded Alex's birth. She did a great deal to healing my heart but I know that my hormones were off after Ariana made her arrival.

I won't go into details, those aren't important, but I really was getting bad here recently and wondering was I crazy? Was something wrong with me? Why was I so angry anymore and what was going on to make this happen, it wasn't like me. I finally got enough nerve and asked my girls Kasey and Natalie at play group if they ever felt this way. (They have been great keeping my secret and I appreciate that). Kasey was especially helpful and let me cry on her shoulder as events unfolded the next few weeks and I waited to visit a doctor.

I'm happy to say that my case is mild and that I am on a low dose of Prozac that seems to be really helping. She explained my hormones in the brain have gotten out of wack, that it's normal, and I am definitely feeling relieved. It's not something I did, I am not a bad mother. It's just a fact and more women deal with it than think they do. Most women don't realize it or are scared to get help (I was scared they'd think I was an awful mother!)

I was also surprised to find out that if un-treated it can last for years. The few who do know about this were surprised they thought it was PPD but it's not true that you "grow out of" it over time if you have it badly enough. I think mine did seem to get better but the pregnancy and birth of Camden brought it back big time.

I look forward to the future of happy, nice mommy again and although I don't know how most of you will react I needed to get that off my chest. Talking about it is something I am supposed to do, I won't tell everyone but this is a select group of people I trust who can access my blog.

He gained a POUND

For those who may not know, Alex got a new juice drink that's high in calorie and is really doing him well. They kept giving him milk based drinks and he refused them, a friend at church had a case of this fruit juice drink that's similar and he loves it! He drinks it every day and after only a few weeks has gained a pound!! (Okay, maybe the drink was part of it... maybe not). Time will tell. Please help us pray that his insurance will cover this drink, it's an absolute necessity for him and costs a *lot* of money.

I also got a call from their Sunbeam/CTR 5 teacher at church today saying that she had received Ariana's preschool application (she works as the director of a preschool I believe?) I was surprised and feel so guilty because I turned her down for that school. We need Ariana at Baldy Mesa (the same school Alex will be at Kindergarten at this Fall) if she does preschool. Otherwise there is no way to pick up both kids every day, they get out at the same time. I had forgotten that I had submitted her application in January with Alex's and now that she's 4 maybe she'll get in? That would be SO fabulous for her!!! Definitely praying for that now too.

We leave for Utah on Monday, going to see family. Should be fun, the kids will be thrilled. Off to feed them lunch but had to share my great news today. Hoping for a good outcome for both of those!!!

New niece, new meds, and new calling

Hmm... lots of new things... maybe I shouldn't give it that title? lol.

First of all I got a new calling! I've been released as 2nd Counselor in Primary and put into Relief Society as Secretary! This if the first time I've done this calling so it's all new but it's such a blast! I love the presidency and have fit in very quickly. I can't say enough how much this has been a blessing to me and has made my heart happy.

New meds... well I went to the doctor and am now on some new meds (okay, so I wasn't on any before). Won't go into drastic details but things are good, I'm happy, and we'll all survive. lol. Not something I hide but not something I tell everyone KWIM?

Anyways, I also have a new niece (sheesh, forget that one? lol... should have been first I suppose). I haven't been in contact with SIL in over a year, I think the last time we were on friendly terms was when her MIL died and she had a miscarriage all at the same time (within a week). It was horrible and she'd had a previous miscarriage so we needed to be apart for a while. It's been hard, I've missed her. Anyways, she gave birth to a baby girl this morning at12:30 am (*really* early this morning). She's teeny at 6 lbs 3 oz (okay, for me a full term baby at that size would be a miracle as my "smallest" full term baby was 7 lbs 10 oz). She is named Isabelle JaeLynn and she's apparently cute as can be, very hispanic looking thanks to her daddy but also a little like her mom (a blondie). Cute. For those who may know them Janine is 41 I believe and her hubby is... in his early 60's. Not your typical family by any means... this is her 4th little girl. (She has girls that are grown... they are 21 and the other is 20 in September... and then the other daughter will be 7 in a few weeks). On another note her said soon to be 20 year old is pregnant along with her mom, she's having her 2nd baby (she has a daughter who will be 2 in Sept) and this one will be a boy.

Ray's brother Richard's wife is due next month with their first son, fifth child. Then my niece is due in August with her first son, second child. Then James, the baby, and his wife are due in September with their first baby, another boy. This is exciting though because at the moment there are 13 grand-kids (well, as of today) and only 3 of those 13 are boys. lol.

Looong story there, sorry. Off to drink some sprite, this medicine is making me nauseated... lovely... hope that doesn't last....

Temple

Today was the day I've waited for so long for... we went to the temple with the last of my siblings. We are all officially endowed... what an awesome feeling! My parents were of course so proud and I enjoyed sitting with my mom and sister for the endowment. It was funny though, with my other siblings it was "so weird" to have them there but with Daniel it was natural, like "where have you been all this time?" It was awesome! I surprised myself and totally did NOT cry but it was just awesome. Outside we did some photos, I didn't get all of them (have to snag them from my mom) but here are a few of them. We had a lot of fun, thanks again Kasey for watching our kids. (BTW, they said they had a lot of fun and want to come back so you didn't scar them for life. lol) I

Gotta love these goofy guys!



Ray, me and my baby... ahem, I mean Daniel. He's 8 years younger than I am and I love this kid to death...

My mom and Daniel, she was of course so happy



I am the oldest of all of us and yet the SHORTEST at almost 6 feet tall... gotta love it. We were all so goofy...don't let my dad fool you, he's goofy too...



Not sure what's going on with my dad's smile in this one....



What a beautiful day... maybe I'll share more photos as I get them. These were for my mom mostly. lol. Here's a shot Ray got of me... he loves it so I'll post it... lol

My own little world

For those of you who may know I spend way too much time on my computer doing digital scrapbooking, making kits for my stores, answering emails, and other things that earning money online entail... but I love it all! (Don't get me wrong, I try to limit my time on the computer).

Here's what I've been up to lately... been pushing myself too hard. lol. I have a few new stores now thanks to the one I was exclusive with closing... grr. It came suddenly and it really upset me, still angry with them but oh well. I've been blessed and doors were opened to me so now I've signed up with a few stores and one that I'm super excited about... will show you once the store is open. Wahoo!

First of all I'm at the stores http://prettyscrappy.com and http://sunshinestudioscraps.com
The new store will be http://polkadotplum.com and it's so fabulous, did I mention I can't wait? If you are wondering which one I am I design under the name Wimpychompers Creations.

I also have been scrapping myself, don't die of shock! These are mostly for my mom to see but here are some layouts I've done recently... I've splurged lately and am using kits from *other designers* (gasp).

Okay, so this one IS with my own kit although none of the alphabets are ones I made..


These are not my kits but I did make these layouts...

Camden is so big

Camden got his hair cut today and managed to not die... poor guy cried the whole time and hated it but he really needed it. Glad he's looking cleaner again! lol. He's looking so grown up now with nice clean hair too... loving it! Will post a before and after shot soon. (It's not as short as hubby wanted but oh well, I love it).

Camden also said the prayer last night and tonight for family prayer! For a while now when we asked "who is going to pray tonight?" Camden would yell "me" and raise his hand. When we'd try to coach him he'd clam up and not do it. (Never fear, Alex is always eager to pray and even Ariana does it sometimes when they boys don't. They get turns). Well last night when asked Camden announced he wanted to. I told him to fold his arms and he did it! Wahoo! Big step for him, it's finally clicked and he's very proud. (I think Nursery gets partial credit too by the way). :)

I started coaching his prayer and he said it all, including amen. SO proud of him, he's such a big boy! We all cheered of course and had to do high-5's but hey, it made him proud. He's growing up so fast...