I keep staring at the permissions list to see who can read my blog and think I might be comfortable admitting this. Just promise me this won't get back to my inlaws in any form or I'll hunt you down and do horrible things to you. (bwa-ha-ha).
I have finally admitted that I have dealt with postpartum depression for the last 4 years. Some of you may be shocked, some of you are probably nodding and saying "yep, I can see why". I think the biggest factor is not just because they were all so close but because we went through *so* much with Alex. Ariana came along well before I had healed emotionally from the trauma that surrounded Alex's birth. She did a great deal to healing my heart but I know that my hormones were off after Ariana made her arrival.
I won't go into details, those aren't important, but I really was getting bad here recently and wondering was I crazy? Was something wrong with me? Why was I so angry anymore and what was going on to make this happen, it wasn't like me. I finally got enough nerve and asked my girls Kasey and Natalie at play group if they ever felt this way. (They have been great keeping my secret and I appreciate that). Kasey was especially helpful and let me cry on her shoulder as events unfolded the next few weeks and I waited to visit a doctor.
I'm happy to say that my case is mild and that I am on a low dose of Prozac that seems to be really helping. She explained my hormones in the brain have gotten out of wack, that it's normal, and I am definitely feeling relieved. It's not something I did, I am not a bad mother. It's just a fact and more women deal with it than think they do. Most women don't realize it or are scared to get help (I was scared they'd think I was an awful mother!)
I was also surprised to find out that if un-treated it can last for years. The few who do know about this were surprised they thought it was PPD but it's not true that you "grow out of" it over time if you have it badly enough. I think mine did seem to get better but the pregnancy and birth of Camden brought it back big time.
I look forward to the future of happy, nice mommy again and although I don't know how most of you will react I needed to get that off my chest. Talking about it is something I am supposed to do, I won't tell everyone but this is a select group of people I trust who can access my blog.
8 comments:
I'm glad to hear you're doing well and progressing! You never were a bad mom, so stop being hard on yourself!
Christina I am so proud of you for getting help!!! PPD is NOTHING to be ashamed of....a lot of women get it! It does NOT mean you are a bad mom at all.....in fact, a GREAT mom for recognizing the symptoms and doing something about it. I hope you continue to do well and please remember, you are an awesome mom!
OHHH Christina, of course I would never hold it against you! I am just glad you found out what it was and got treatment. It takes someone really strong and bold to do what you did, so don't ever be ashamed of it! You go girl =)
Brandi
So glad that things are looking up for you. You're a great mom and I am in awe of your strength! Love you!
Hey! I'm so glad things are going better. :)
I just noticed that you were/are coming to Utah. Are you still here?
I have always said, "If I can't hear, I'm getting a hearing aid. If I can't see, I'm getting glasses and if I feel sad, I'm getting medicine." I'm a problem solver so I don't believe in living in our misery when there are fixes for our problems. So YAY!! YOu're going to feel better SO FAST! You'll think, "oh my gosh, there I am! The fun smiley mom!" Congrats on feeling better! Life really can be good.
I am glad it is working... are you still feeling icky sicky? Can't wait til you come home so we can chat!
It is more common than most people think. I actually read an article in the Church news thingy that is mailed to us and it was very enlightening. I wish I saved it. It actually has been proven that Mormon women are more likely to get some form of depression than any other woman. It is due to the fact that we have so many dang kids, so close, we give so much to everyone, don't do enough for ourselves and so on. Our families, our callings, school, work (in or out of the home), the list is never ending! So, don't ever feel like it is something you did. It is something we go through and we get hep and we move on. Anyone who looks down on you or talks bad about you is not a real friend!
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