Sorry I haven't posted in... well... forever. I've had a lot to think about and didn't know how to put it into writing. It's not bad, it's actually good. (No, not pregnant). lol.
The kids are doing well. Alex is really enjoying school although I still have my concerns. I don't get the feeling that his teacher likes him much but I think she's just over-worked and he's getting lost. He gets speech four days a week and OT once a week and they both just adore him. He has friends and enjoys playing. He's also writing his name and doing well with trying although with his Sensory Processing Disorder (recently diagnosed finally) he's too distracted by everything going on around him and he gets lost. I am debating whether this is going to be a real problem but he needs to be where he is. Time will tell how well he's doing, he's writing at least!!! SO proud of him!
Ariana is good too, she's in Preschool and LOVES it. She's smart as can be, they wanted to have her tested for intelligence apparently (because she gets so bored in class, she gets her work done so quickly). We just think she's a smarty pants and will LOVE Kindergarten when her turn comes. All in time... let's not get her too quickly into school here. She has made friends and is so chatty, it's been great for her.
Camden is good too, he really enjoys time with mommy in the mornings when everyone is at school. He's so cute and also very smart. He's counting to 12 on his own and can talk your ear off about things you didn't realize he understood. He's also the size of a three year old, so insanely tall. Ariana is too, she's gotten taller than Alexander now. So funny!
I'm good, gone through a lot of changes the last few months. First I started that Prozac in June of this year. 2 months later I went back and talked to the doctor, adjusted the dose slightly (it's still a really low dose), and made a plan. I have to remain on it for 6 months, at which point they will let me go off the prozac (assuming I feel good) and then we can be referred to a Fertility doctor for our problems getting pregnant. SO nervous about that but I love to have a plan. So February I go in and we start taking me off the medicine. I am feeling REALLY good btw and am grateful for modern medicine. :)
I've thought about it recently and realized that the last two years I had become more and more dulled to the spirit thanks to the depression I wasn't realizing I was battling. I was more and more not feeling it when I wanted so desperately too and more and more was having thoughts in my head that didn't belong and I didn't want them to. I knew I wasn't alone and wasn't a really depressed state but knew something was off, I was tired of being so moody, and really needed something to make it stop. Satan sure does have a way to get to us and knows our weaknesses so well, I look back now and am grateful I had help getting through that (not only from loved ones but people on the other side of the veil helping me I'm sure).
I am so happy to say that I feel the Spirit a LOT now and it's really such a comforting feeling. I did feel it before but now that my hormones are mellowed out and I'm happier I can finally feel that again. I love it so much and really missed it... I know it sounds silly but it's really such a relief to me.
I know this will seem arrogant but I know that Satan is especially mad that Ray and I are together. It's been something I've felt from the beginning, that Satan hates that we are together. Weird I know. He hates it though because we are happy... we love each other... and we have very amazing and strong children who are going to someday be amazing missionaries (well, they are already to be honest). He tries so hard to break us, he wants so badly for my family to not be a family. I really do feel that, it angers him that Ray and I are not only doing what we are supposed to but somehow our family is going to do great things and he doesn't want that. We were told in a blessing once that Ray and I were together before the world was ever created and that was such a beautiful insight to me... to think that we were supposed to do what we are doing right now (same as everyone on the earth at this moment, we all have a special plan). It just really is so sweet.
So that's my rambling for tonight, if you think I'm crazy well... okay. lol. I hope you are all doing well and Happy Thanksgiving!
