Well today we buried Ray's grandmother. For some reason this was really hard for me, I felt so silly but I balled my eyes out the entire time. Honestly I've been so worried about how Ray was feeling/doing I haven't really taken in the shock. She was my "grandma" for over 8 years now and she was so special to me, I just adore her. I also kept putting myself in his grandfather's shoes and trying to not focus on how hard it must be on him to not have her physically here with him. Ironically today was their wedding anniversary 61 years. It was also the day he buried her. It just doesn't seem right to have to go through that but at least we know they are going to be together as husband and wife forever. It still really got to me, like I said I balled like a baby today. She was such a special woman. The worst was when he asked to give her a kiss "one last time" before they closed the casket, it was so touching.
I also learned that my newest SIL is newly pregnant with her first baby, we wish them the best of luck (well, if they knew I had a blog!) I also learned that another SIL is pregnant with another baby, her 4th, this was a huge shock and I wish someone had told me before we were already dealing with so much! She is 41 next month and that gives me some concern, her husband is in his 60's so we were shocked. She's somewhere in her 2nd trimester, not sure when they are due. This will be the third pregnancy due this year, Ray's oldest brother and his wife are due with #5 this Spring as well.
I know that seems like the best news but this is just so hard for me today. For those who don't know we started trying to get pregnant again in June of last year. It is always so bittersweet for me to see others who weren't "trying" to get pregnant. I know it's silly, Camden is 17 months and I should be happy but he's a toddler now and I ache for another little girl. It was a long road before we were ever blessed with children, I feel so beyond blessed for what I have. It's just so hard, it brings back painful memories only someone who has dealt with infertility can understand (something none of the above mentioned do understand).
Other things were said today that hurt me and I am angry tonight, and hurting. I can't explain, it's not something that I should openly express. Lines have been crossed though and my feelings are hurt. I am a good mother, I don't deserve to be called otherwise.
3 comments:
I, too, have been trying since August. I really hoped this would be the month, since it is the one month I really didn't want to get pregnant (you know, kind of reverse psychology.....not another October baby) but it didn't happen. This is hard for me since we never tried with any of the others (prevented it on some) yet I always ended up pregnant, and now, when I really REALLY want another, nothing. So, I'm right there with you this time. But we gotta keep on trying. I guess we can look back at it someday and say, hey, at least we had fun trying all that time! Best of luck. When you finally do (cuz I know it will happen) I want to know! And not through my sis!
You are a GREAT mother and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!!!! You have beautiful, healthy, HAPPY children....because of you!!! I have read some of your struggles and what you do for your children. You are an awesome mom and anyone who doesn't recognize that is an idiot!
Oh Christina, how horrible for you to have someone hurt you in that way! I am sooo sorry, but people need to learn that when it comes to motherhood, you do not make comments or voice your opinion unless you are ready for backlash because motherhood is a very sacred and defensive role...any mother, and GOOD MOTHER, would react the way you have no matter how little or small the comment was. I am sorry someone hurt you in that way, shame on them!
Brandi
Post a Comment