update on me

I am pretty sure I have hypothyroidism... and this is a relief and a frustration. A relief because maybe we can do something to get this worked out. A frustration because now I need to convince the doctors to stop ignoring my symptoms. I've done the research and I have the signs of it. Not only that but I have gained weight and no clue why it keeps happening (20 lbs). It's really not only annoying but difficult. My last doctor I complained to her that my periods were coming closer together than they should be. She just said this was "better for fertility so no harm done". That's when I knew I coouldn't see HER anymore. lol.

Sigh.

So I see a new doctor on Tuesday and am praying he can help me...

Ramblings

I feel like I should be sad... I should be overwhelmed or frustrated. I have to admit that I am in fact on prozac... depression started after Ariana's birth 5 years ago and we are now looking at my thyroid to see if this can be solved. Until then I'm on a very low dose of prozac.

My great-grandmother died peacefully this morning. She was 92 and when I saw her 2 days ago we knew she was dying. She was a strong and amazing woman who would curse like a sailor (lol sorry Grandma) and was fiesty as can be. She loved her family though and loved the grandchildren and great-grandchildren and even the great-great-grandchildren. (lol.) She will be missed but she was so miserable at the end of her life that none of us can be too upset that she's finally happy. She's finally at peace and we look forward to seeing her someday but know she's up there with others we've lost and loved.

Her memorial will be on Monday. On Tuesday I get a biopsy on my thyroid... not thrilled but anxious to have this over with. I am also waiting on two fillings (I hate those) and Alex will be getting a sedated MRI here soon as well. Then beginning of August Alex will be in 1st grade and I'm just so nervous about that... he's supposed to get some aides for school but whether they happen right away is to be seen. I am nervous she will be someone we don't like so praying that it works out okay...

I should be sad... crushed... but I'm doing okay. I claim it's the medicine I'm on and that's most of it. :) I also know that Great-Grandma Vera is happy finally... finally free from that body that was no longer working. She's probably giving them heck for not letting her come sooner like she wanted. roflol.

That's what's on my mind today... just a lot that I am taking one day at a time.

Happy 4th of July

I hope you all had a great weekend! We had a nice time last night with my parents and sister... nothing big (unfortunately) but I also didn't feel good so it worked out okay. The kids were loud at church but that was partly because my dad came and sat with us (lol). Oh well... it wasn't bad.
Today my heart is sad though so I thought why not blog. :) My great-grandmother is 92 years old and is dying... it's hard to watch. She's wanted to 'go' for a while but it just wasn't her time and we were happy to keep her around. The last few days she's gone down-hill quickly. Today we made a trip down to see her and my grandparents (who were visiting from out of town to see her). The kids had a blast because my great-aunt (who's house we were at) has a pool. Needless to say the adults didn't have quite as much fun. lol. It hurt to see her laying there, frail, sick... it was just so hard to see someone you love suffering. We're all ready to let her stop hurting but it still hurts my heart. The spirit was strong there around her... I've never been in a situation like that and it's definitely something I'll remember... I sure love her and hope her pain will soon end.
On happier news I got some great photos of the kids today. Wanted to share them with you. :)

Umm... miss me? lol

It's been a little while... just a little. lol. I've been doing my "business" blog but not personal so I figured I better do it tonight.

Things are going here... going good and bad. roflol. My family is fine, just the normal trials the Lord helps us through and some days we end up feeling crazy. Camden is great and growing like mad, that kid is so solid compared to the light weights that his brother and sister are. Not fat at all, just really insanely tall. Sheesh, wonder where he gets that from! :) He's loved being home with me this year while Ariana was in preschool and Alex in K and I've really enjoyed it too. He's so insanely smart too and we laugh, he's learning to read letters and numbers right along with the other two and will be well on his way when school finally rolls around. He will be 3 in August but acts like he's bigger sometimes... makes me miss that baby... let's keep him at 2 for a while.

Ariana loves school and has done so well in Preschool. They are finished soon but she's really loved it and loves her friend Heidi from class (they hit it off the first day). She just turned 5 and had a cute Princess tea party birthday with a couple of friends. (2 friends from church and her cousin Deanna). She had a great time and I just laugh at the things she says and does. She's always drawing, this girl loves anything art. She is dressing up all the time too and is very opinionated about her hair. She's still a little princess and we like that, she's not in a hurry to grow up too quickly and we like it that way.

Alex is 6 and doing well also. He has struggled with Kindergarten but more in the fine motor area. Writing has been a real struggle and so have site words but he's getting them and ready to move on to first grade this fall. We're working hard to get him help he needs and he has been approved that they need an aide for him for school. We won't allow him to be put into "special day" class but he does need some help. He has his sensory issues and with everything going on around him he'd get too distracted and get left behind in 1st grade. We have his teacher requested (principal has approved thanks to his IEP carrier...) I'm anxious of course, 1st grade intimidates me with him being so small and thrown in with all the big kids. Thankfully all of the office staff and most teachers of the younger grades know who Alex is so he shouldn't be too bad (that kid talks to everyone!!!)

Ray is good, almost done with work and got a few more weeks after that of college. He'll start his "thesis" this fall... big relief for me and I'm more than DONE with him in college (10 years now with being married in college... well 10 years married in September). Somehow we've survived but it's time... lol.

I am hanging in there. I'm on a low dose of Prozac and hating the side effects. Been on it almost a year now and I just really need to see if there is another one that doesn't react quite like this one since I'll be on it for a while longer. It's just no fun... although better than PPD it's still not fun feeling nauseated, exhausted, and forgetful all the time. There is of course other things that I go through but they aren't as regular as those three. lol. I'm hanging in there though, fighting to get Alex what he needs and trying to take care of myself in all of this mess.

I am going to take Alex in for a physical here on Tuesday and then see the ENT for myself on Friday. I have a nodule on my thyroid that they want to biopsy and make sure they don't need to worry about cancer. Never a fun thing (hello, they want to stick a needle in me... freaks me out!) I will get that set up Friday... it's been known since Feb so this wait has been really frustrating. I also have Alex seeing the Neurologist next week... lots of fun goodies coming up.

So that's what's on our plates right now. It will be 2 years in June that I got baby hungry and started trying for another child and, well, obviously the Lord has other plans. I hate the trial of patience sometimes. lol.

I'm in the spotlight!!!

Okay, I've been SO excited about this for a while now... I am a spotlight designer at The Daily Digi today! Go check it out, snag a coupon from me, and even see what I donated to their grab bag (which is amazing!)



http://thedailydigi.com/

Thinking

Sorry I haven't posted in... well... forever. I've had a lot to think about and didn't know how to put it into writing. It's not bad, it's actually good. (No, not pregnant). lol.

The kids are doing well. Alex is really enjoying school although I still have my concerns. I don't get the feeling that his teacher likes him much but I think she's just over-worked and he's getting lost. He gets speech four days a week and OT once a week and they both just adore him. He has friends and enjoys playing. He's also writing his name and doing well with trying although with his Sensory Processing Disorder (recently diagnosed finally) he's too distracted by everything going on around him and he gets lost. I am debating whether this is going to be a real problem but he needs to be where he is. Time will tell how well he's doing, he's writing at least!!! SO proud of him!

Ariana is good too, she's in Preschool and LOVES it. She's smart as can be, they wanted to have her tested for intelligence apparently (because she gets so bored in class, she gets her work done so quickly). We just think she's a smarty pants and will LOVE Kindergarten when her turn comes. All in time... let's not get her too quickly into school here. She has made friends and is so chatty, it's been great for her.

Camden is good too, he really enjoys time with mommy in the mornings when everyone is at school. He's so cute and also very smart. He's counting to 12 on his own and can talk your ear off about things you didn't realize he understood. He's also the size of a three year old, so insanely tall. Ariana is too, she's gotten taller than Alexander now. So funny!

I'm good, gone through a lot of changes the last few months. First I started that Prozac in June of this year. 2 months later I went back and talked to the doctor, adjusted the dose slightly (it's still a really low dose), and made a plan. I have to remain on it for 6 months, at which point they will let me go off the prozac (assuming I feel good) and then we can be referred to a Fertility doctor for our problems getting pregnant. SO nervous about that but I love to have a plan. So February I go in and we start taking me off the medicine. I am feeling REALLY good btw and am grateful for modern medicine. :)

I've thought about it recently and realized that the last two years I had become more and more dulled to the spirit thanks to the depression I wasn't realizing I was battling. I was more and more not feeling it when I wanted so desperately too and more and more was having thoughts in my head that didn't belong and I didn't want them to. I knew I wasn't alone and wasn't a really depressed state but knew something was off, I was tired of being so moody, and really needed something to make it stop. Satan sure does have a way to get to us and knows our weaknesses so well, I look back now and am grateful I had help getting through that (not only from loved ones but people on the other side of the veil helping me I'm sure).

I am so happy to say that I feel the Spirit a LOT now and it's really such a comforting feeling. I did feel it before but now that my hormones are mellowed out and I'm happier I can finally feel that again. I love it so much and really missed it... I know it sounds silly but it's really such a relief to me.

I know this will seem arrogant but I know that Satan is especially mad that Ray and I are together. It's been something I've felt from the beginning, that Satan hates that we are together. Weird I know. He hates it though because we are happy... we love each other... and we have very amazing and strong children who are going to someday be amazing missionaries (well, they are already to be honest). He tries so hard to break us, he wants so badly for my family to not be a family. I really do feel that, it angers him that Ray and I are not only doing what we are supposed to but somehow our family is going to do great things and he doesn't want that. We were told in a blessing once that Ray and I were together before the world was ever created and that was such a beautiful insight to me... to think that we were supposed to do what we are doing right now (same as everyone on the earth at this moment, we all have a special plan). It just really is so sweet.

So that's my rambling for tonight, if you think I'm crazy well... okay. lol. I hope you are all doing well and Happy Thanksgiving!

Update on family

We are doing great! Sorry if this post is boring by the way. lol.

Camden is doing well, he's talking like a MAD man and is just so smart, this kid blows me away. He talks in sentences, counts to 5, and loves the color yellow. He's so sweet and loves his brother and sister being at school for mommy time where he can chatter my ear off but once it's time to get them from school he runs to the car so we can get there faster. Such a cutie. He knows he's the baby but that doesn't slow him down on his development thankfully. He isn't potty training yet but is so anal about dirty hands, makes him crazy! We offer and he's sat on it several times but it's just not time yet and I'm not about to push him. Shoot, no way dude am I doing that with him! lol. He just turned 2 and is the height of a 3 year old... and no I'm not kidding. His weight is fine, he's average on that, but his height is off the charts. No one believes that he just had his 2nd birthday... makes me laugh actually.

Ariana is really enjoying preschool. She has a new "best friend" every week it seems and loves the other girls in her class. She's a joy to them and is so smart, we love watching her blossom. We had a few meltdowns recently because her schedule was off due to holidays and missing school from smoke but she's getting back into the swing of it and loving it all. She's such a good girl. Now if only we could get her to stop sucking her thumb, arguing with me about what she wears every day (she's always had an opinion about her clothes, since she was a year I think it was that it started). Her hair looks crazy too, trying to decide what to do with that problem... got to love it!

Alexander, well, he's the reason I am doing this post. :) First off he loves school. He makes friends easily and really thinks it's just a blast to be there. Thank goodness! No one is mean to him in Kindergarten, why does that have to change as they get older I ask you. Oh well, we'll enjoy this stage now. We have been watching him though, that boy is so active and really a problem at school. He fidgets a lot, talks a lot, and stimulation distracts him. We had an IEP meeting today and have settled on the idea that he most likely has ADD. This is a relief to me because we know this runs in both families and can be worked with. My worst fear was more severe... glad I had it wrong actually. We knew he had a problem paying attention and this is finally getting adressed, whew! Still digesting a lot of the meeting tonight actually. We will start his Speech program on Monday and will meet with Occupational Therapy soon to learn what the plan is with that and what we can do at home to help him. He did OT when he was really young but was discharged when he was almost 3 (I think) and hasn't been seen since. The last year we've really pushed to get him back into an OT program but were denied, told that he can't until he's in Kindergarten. We've been patient enough and here we are, getting that taken care of finally and I couldn't be more happy!

We will be meeting with a Gastro intersomethingoranother soon... (GI doctor... digestion... etc). They will be checking that there isn't some weird blockage or anything going on and that he's digesting well since he's always had bowel problems. I don't honestly think they'll find anything and am determined to find a doctor that will look at the BIG PICTURE instead of picking on little things and making him go through tests that aren't necessary. Mothers instinct here... trust it already!

We also are still fighting to get him that juice he needed. It's high calorie, high protein, and totally amazing. If the insurance denies it again I'll have to keep fighting and go higher up and see what they will do for me. I'm willing to kick, scream, anything I have to in order to get that big red "failure to thrive" on his chart and get my kid that darn juice. Grr... don't mess with me.

I also am going to have them do an ultrasound or x-ray on his spinal cord. He had this checked at 9 months of age but he was maybe 10 lbs at that time? Teeny little thing, had to have an iv and sedation, it was awful! I think he was too small at the time and want a less invasive way to look at the same thing they were trying to check, is his spinal cord tethered? That would cause his in-ability to potty train and his uncle (Ray's brother) had this condition since birth and it was not diagnosed until high school. Long time to wear diapers dude and I'm not going to do it.

Ray and I are good, I'm digesting this still like I said and trying to figure out our next plan of action. All I can do is pray and hope that we are given the answers as we need them like we have so far.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, we are really hoping to see a big improvement in Alexander this year. :)